


Absolution

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: Reaper76 [31]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Broken Promises, Changing the past, Character Death, Death, Established Relationship, Forgiveness, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Love/Hate, Lovers To Enemies, M/M, Murder, Murder-Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts, Survivor Guilt, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-07-30 01:06:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16276025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: When he's sent to the past to retrieve information that might reveal the truth about the fall of Overwatch, Soldier 76 promises not to change anything, but an encounter with past Gabriel and the realisation of just how much he had screwed up has him seeking to fix his mistakes...the greatest mistake in his eyes being his own existence.





	Absolution

   For a mission that had seemed as far-fetched as the old sci-fi books that Gabe had loved to read, it had all gone to plan so far, much to Jack’s surprise as he found himself in Zurich, shrinking back into the shadows, fingers tight on his weapon as he watched the soldiers walking past his hiding spot, blind to his presence. How naïve they were, certain that they were safe within the walls of the base, there was anger and bitterness beneath that thought, and he envied them for that feeling of security even as he pitied them for not knowing what lay ahead of them. Part of him, the part that had once been a Commander was ready to step out and point this out, to warn them that far greater dangers than an old man lurked within Overwatch. He held back the urge with difficulty, after he was here for a reason, the mission wasn’t yet complete, and Winston had repeated constantly that he must not make any notable changes to the past…

    He held back a sigh, forcing himself to lower his weapon and letting one hand drop to his pocket, feeling the small bulge that marked the data stick that held the information he had been sent back to retrieve. Data that might tell them what had happened to Overwatch and point fingers at whoever had brought Zurich crashing down around their ears…might…his expression darkened behind his mask, not liking the uncertainty, especially when it had been Reaper and Sombra who had reached out to them about the mission, pointing them towards the information and that alone had been enough to have him on edge. After all he had more reasons that most to be wary of Reaper.

   It had taken months of fact checking before they had agreed to even consider it, and it had been against his wishes, but in the end, he had been overruled and he couldn't blame them for that. It wasn’t as though he was in command anymore, and they needed the information. And although he hadn't agreed with it he had insisted on being the one to try and retrieve the data, not least because he was probably the most expendable agent they had in case the chronal device went awry. To be fair the Solider had known that the science would work, it was hard to doubt that after seeing Lena using it for so many years even if there was a vast difference between keeping her grounded in the present and zipping in and out as needed and sending him back multiple years. Still with her input, and Winston, Tjorbörn and Symmetra working tirelessly to adapt it to their purpose, he had been as confident as he could be that it would work. His other argument as to why he should go and the one that had eventually won the rest of the team over had been that he had the passwords and biometrics that would get him through the security with no one any the wiser. It hadn't quelled their worries, although Ana had been the only one to pull him aside and confront him about it.

   He’d been sat at the back of the lab readying himself for the jump, reluctantly laying aside his pulse rifle, it was too noticeable to use on a mission that would rely a lot on stealth. His lips quirking slightly as he remembered how often he had scolded Gabriel about his choice of weapons, especially in his line of work, but then again, the other man had always been better at covert work. The half-smile faded as quickly as it had come, as was always the case when his thoughts drifted to Gabriel, the familiar hollow feeling growing in his chest as he busied himself with checking his sidearm, fingers moving through years of practice even as his thoughts lingered on the past.

"Gabriel?" The quiet voice drew him out of his thoughts and he blinked behind his visor, startled to find that Ana had slipped onto the bench beside him, his rifle now cradled in her lap although her gaze was fixed on his face. For a moment, he bristled at the pity he could see in her gaze, but then he slumped knowing that she missed Gabriel as much as he did, and he gave a curt nod in response to the question, not trusting himself to speak now. "Jack..."

"I'm fine,” the thought of talking about it made him speak up, cutting her off. "That's all in the past." It was a lie and they both knew it, after all they were both fully aware of who lay beneath Reaper's mask. Although Gabriel might as well have been dead, because very little remained of the man they'd known, and even less remained of the man that Jack had loved...that he still loved, eyes darting to the ring that even now he wore even though he had lost the right a long time ago. Ana followed his gaze, sorrow written across her face and he knew that she was remembering their wedding as well, one of the last bright days they'd had before things had started going downhill.

"I know," she replied softly. "And that's what scares me." It was only the concern in her voice that stopped him from growling at her. It was argument that several people had raised...would he be able to resist the urge to try and change the past? To try and fix things? He couldn't lie and say that he hadn't thought about it, that he hadn't harboured daydreams where he had gone back and managed to undo all his mistakes. Still he knew that there was a risk he would make things worse and so he had promised not to meddle, to do nothing more than what the mission dictated. Even now that promise left a foul taste in his mouth and he grimaced before lifting his head.

"I'm not going to do anything reckless, Ana." Well not more reckless than jumping back through time to get data that might or might not help, on the word of someone who until recently had been trying to kill them all, he amended, although he was careful not to voice that thought aloud.

"I know you promised and I trust you but...Jack are you sure about this?" _Are you sure that you will be able to resist the temptation?_ He can hear the unspoken question and he's never been more grateful for his mask because otherwise she would be able to see his hesitation.

"Do we have a choice?" He asks instead, tilting his head to where Winston is putting the final touches to the device before turning to face her. "I'll be fine."

   He had seen it in her face that she wasn't convinced, and he had seen her reaching out as though to stop him just before the device had activated. It was that memory that had him waiting in the shadows until the corridor was empty again before slipping out and heading back to the store cupboard where he had hidden his part of the chronal device, rather than giving into temptation and going exploring in this place that was both familiar and foreign. It had hurt moving through corridors that he still knew like the back of his hand, stomach churning at the thought that in less than a year it would be nothing more than a smoking ruin with casualties in the dozens. It hurt now to realise that he was going to keep his word, that he was going to go back and let Zurich burn all over again...that he was going to let Gabriel die again.

   He should never have let his thoughts stray to the other man, the band of metal on his finger seeming to burn and he froze, eyes widening as he heard a door slamming on the next corridor and the sound of heavy, booted feet rushing in his direction. Uttering a curse, he glanced around before lunging for the closest offices, frantically typing in his override code as the footsteps drew closer and he managed to slip inside just as a familiar figure turned the corner. He spared half a second to check that the office he'd broken into was empty, inhaling sharply as he took in the abandoned room and coming up short as he realised that he had found his way into Ana’s old office, now empty of life and covered in dust sheets, waiting for someone else to take over the space. _Ana_...it didn't help that he knew that she was alive and well in the future, he could still remember the sharp, gut-wrenching grief he had felt at her loss and the void that had opened in her wake.

   Cursing in the corridor reminded him of why he was hiding in the first place and quietly he slunk back to the door, peering through the crack and physically recoiling as Gabriel stalked into view. Longing spiked through him...after all this was his Gabriel, not the angry ghost who wanted nothing more to punish him for his failures, and he was hyper aware of the ring in his finger, almost overwhelmed by the urge to leap out and speak to him despite his promise, until he glimpsed the expression on Gabriel's face. The dark eyes were blazing, fixed on some distant point that the Soldier had a feeling was his younger self, but the fury in those eyes was at odds with the anguish twisting Gabriel's face. _What had happened?_

   He shrank back when Gabriel came to a halt in front of the door, holding his breath as the fight seemed to go out of the other man, leaving Gabriel slumped against the wall just beside the door and the Soldier prayed that Gabriel wouldn't notice the slightly open door. A soft murmur had him tensing, but then he realised that he wasn't being addressed but that Gabriel was talking to himself and despite the risk he found himself inching forwards to listen, drinking in the familiar voice.

"... Would it kill you to let me help? Damn it Jack, I'm not the enemy." Gabriel was muttering, and the Soldier felt something unpleasant curling in the pit of his stomach, not sure what was worse, the soft almost pleading tone or the words themselves. Had he seen Gabriel as the enemy back then? Had he treated him like one? He closed his eyes, old arguments flashing through his mind with almost startling clarity and he bit down on his bottom lip to hold back a groan as he realised that he probably had and there was a burning sensation in his eyes as Gabriel's voice dropped lower. "I don't want to be the enemy."

_You weren't..._

   Soldier 76 closed his eyes leaning his forehead against the door, wishing that he’d said the words back then and wishing that he could say them now. They remained like that for a few minutes and then he heard Gabriel pushing himself away from the wall, and he risked a quick glance through the crack, torn between relief and pain as he realised that Gabriel had got himself back under control, although the blank mask that he remembered all too well was only marginally better than the anguished expression from moments before. _Gabe.._.he pressed a hand to the door, the closest he could allow himself to reaching out and grabbing the other man as he heard him moving away down the corridor. Retreating. Surrendering. Was this the point when Gabriel had given up on him? When he had realised Jack was going to screw everything up? A brittle noise slipped through his lips, not quite a sob but close, Gabriel's words replaying over and over and there was no way for him to hide from them or the realisation that came in their wake.

_You weren't the enemy...I was._

   The realisation felt like a leaden weight in his chest, but with it came resolution. He couldn't fix things between them, Reaper had told him that point-blank months ago when he had tried to reach out, desperately hoping that some part of his husband had endured. However, whatever they'd been, it had died long before Zurich, hell it was dying here and now. But...he could make sure that Gabriel never needed to become the enemy. He could make sure that Ana had a home to return to without having to wait so many years. He could stop those innocent agents who had been blind to his presence earlier from ending up on the casualties list...he could stop himself... Slowly he pushed himself upright, stiffening as he felt the bulge in his pocket and remembering why he was here and what he had promised, Ana's worried expression flashing through his mind. She had been right to worry he realised now, guilt twisting unpleasantly in his stomach, but it paled in comparison to his resolve.

"Sorry Ana," he murmured, glancing around the office, remembering the long hours spent in here entertaining Fareeha and reminiscing about the Omnic Crisis. "Goodbye," he whispered to the room, and it was a farewell to his Ana and the one from this time, mourning the fact that he wouldn't see her again for a moment before he turned away, one hand on his pocket. He would make sure they got the data...and then he would fix all this.

**

   He made it back to the cupboard without incident, slipping through the door and yanking it shut behind him before reaching for the Chronal device that he had tucked into the space above the ceiling tiles. The device itself was smaller than Lena's device, although it shone with the same bright blue and he smiled faintly, remembering how she flitted around the base, refusing to slow down no matter how many times he’d scolded her. They’d even raced a couple of times and whilst he had always done it under protest, he had enjoyed her delight at winning and the gentle teasing that always followed. He hoped that she would be as happy in the future he was giving her, fingers gentle as he settled the device on the floor before pulling out the data stick and setting it on top. He hoped that the information that it contained would no longer be needed when he was done, but at least this way they would be taken care of either way.

They would have a future.

   Stepping back, he activated the band on his wrist, closing his eyes to protect them from the bright flash that followed. As soon as his visor beeped to tell him the light had returned to normal levels he was moving, not trusting them not to send someone else back for him when they realised he hadn't returned with the data. Snatching the band off his wrist he dropped it to the floor and crushed it beneath his foot, that would make it harder for them to follow him and hopefully it would stop the tech falling into the wrong hands. Kicking the fragments underneath a shelf he checked his holstered weapon, growling as he caught the slight tremble in his hands as the enormity of what he was about to do pressed in on him. Pressing his fingers to the gun and wishing that he had his pulse rifle he forced the nervousness back...he had to do this...taking a deep breath he let calmness wash over him. It had to be done. He knew that there was no going back now, that he was breaking his promise...that he was throwing away the life that Angela had worked so hard to save back then, and that there was going to be no place for him in the future he wanted to create.

   When he emerged from the cupboard a couple of minutes later he was completely calm, his goal ahead of him, one hand resting on his weapon. He was prepared for what he was about to do and what it was going to cost him.

What he wasn't prepared for though was…himself.

****

   It had been child's play to find his way to his old office, the sight of burnished gold nameplate leaving a foul taste in his mouth and if it wouldn't have attracted unwelcome attention he would have torn it down. Instead he pressed his hand to the biometric lock, drawing his weapon with his other as it whirred for a few seconds before turning green as the door clicked open. He didn't hesitate, stepping inside and closing the door behind him before turning to look at the man hunched over the desk and for a moment his heart went out to him. From here he could see the threads of silver that were overtaking the blond hair, and he knew that once the other man looked up he would be able to see the lines that this job had added to his face, the dark smudges that had taken up permanent residence under his eyes. _I'm sorry._

   The pity he felt for his younger self didn't stop him from lifting his gun, levelling it at Jack’s head as he took a step further into the room. "Hello Jack."

   There was no jumping up, no sign of surprise at his sudden appearance in what should’ve been a secure room. Instead Jack slowly lifted his head, studying him in silence for a moment before carefully setting his pen aside, the too piercing blue eyes never shifting from the Soldier. He might have appreciated Jack’s attitude if it wasn't so unnerving to find himself being stared down by himself, and his finger tightened against the trigger.

“Have you come to kill me?” Jack asked mildly as he eyed the weapon for a moment, before shifting his attention back to the Soldier. “You won’t be the first to try you know?”

“I know,” Soldier 76 replied, keeping his gun levelled on his younger self even as he glanced around the room, drinking in the familiar sight even as he remembered how much he'd hated it. Gabriel and Ana had practically had to frogmarch him inside on the first day, nervousness having anchored him to the spot outside and he wondered how often they had regretted doing it. Probably as often as he had regretted not walking straight back out again. “I remember what it was like.” The attempts on his life had started even before Overwatch's decline, the U.N. had made him their poster boy and painted a target on his back and now as he stared at Jack he recognised the same jaded confidence he had felt back then.

“You remember?”

   Soldier 76 wanted to curse at his own slip up, he should have just finished this the moment he got inside, and yet at the same time he was relieved. For all the mistakes, he had made…for all the mistakes that this Jack still had to make, the man in front of him deserved some kind of explanation, a reason for what was about to happen. He hesitated for a moment before reaching up with one hand to undo the clasps on his visor and mask, it was hard to remove one handed but finally he heard the dull click that proclaimed his success and he let them both fall away.

“Recognise me?” He asked in the silence that followed them clattering to the ground. His sight was appalling without the visor, a combination of old age and the lingering effects from the explosion that should have killed him and he moved closer until Jack’s face was no longer a pale blur before halting, gun steady and gaze fixated on Jack's face once more.

“Should I?” It was a lie. He caught the widening of Jack's eyes, and his lips twisted up into a bitter smile as Jack reached up to touch the places where the scars marred his face.

“Just like looking in the mirror, isn't it?”

“What happened to you…to me?” Jack asked and this time there was a waver in his voice, some of the confidence disappearing and he couldn’t blame him. There had been times back then when he had wondered about the future, about what would become of him as things unravelled beneath his fingertips and he knew that he was nothing like he had imagined.

“We made a lot of mistakes.” There was no point sugar coating it at this point. They hadn’t been the only thing wrong in Overwatch, the corruption had seeped in through the tiniest cracks and he knew that might still happen even with them gone. But Gabriel had seen it, he had suspected, so at least there was a chance that it would be cut off before it could spread too far this time. _Mistakes…_ Taking this job had been a mistake, pushing Gabriel away had been a mistake, so many mistakes, he shook his head and gestured at his scarred features. “This…This is what we deserved.”

“I see.” Jack glanced down his expression unreadable and the Soldier waited, watching to see what he was going to do, not wanting to burden him with the full extent of what they’d done or hadn’t done. It was a burden he wouldn’t wish on his worst enemy, let alone his younger self who had yet to make those mistakes. His fingers tightened on the gun when Jack rose suddenly from his chair and moved towards him, but there was no hint of anger or fear in his expression, just a weary acceptance that startled the Soldier. “So, you’re here to stop us from making those mistakes.”

 _Yes._ The answer was there on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t say it. He had been unprepared for this calm acceptance and he found himself taking a step back as Jack came to a halt in front of him, frowning at the younger man. “Why aren’t you trying to stop me?”

“I’ve thought about it you know?” Jack whispered, looking away with an ashamed expression, his gaze turning distant. “How much better things could’ve been…should’ve been. I’ve stood at that window and looked down and thought about it.” He gestured at the long wall of windows and the Soldier was hit by the memory of spending long hours stood in front of them, the gun wavering for a moment as he remembered thinking the same. _That it would be so easy_. It had got worse when Gabriel had distanced himself, as he had no longer been able to retreat down to the Blackwatch offices when things got too much, and that view had grown more and more enticing although he had never taken the final step. “I’ve looked in the mirror and wondered if I could do it. But…I was always too afraid.”

“No…” He shook his head knowing that wasn’t true. Death had never truly scared him after the Omnic Crisis. There had been nights during the SEP when he had cried himself to sleep as his body threatened to fail on him, and even then, it hadn’t been death, but rather the way that he was going to die that had scared him…that drop…it wasn’t the way he had wanted to go, but it hadn’t scared him. He hadn’t taken the step because…

“I thought I could fix it,” Jack finished for him and he nodded, lips twisting in a bitter smile. That was a belief he had held onto for so long, hell just the fact that he had reached out to Reaper showed that he was as naïve as ever and he sighed. It was impossible to hate his younger self, to blame him for his naivety when he was just the same. “Clearly, I was wrong,” Jack added softly, glancing up at him and he had to look away, shame and guilt rising.

“Yes…we were wrong.”

“You could try again?” Jack asked hesitantly, not trying to change his mind, not hoping that it would make a difference. It was almost like he sensed the Soldier’s hesitation and guilt and was offering him an out, and despite everything he felt his lips quirk. He had forgotten what he had been like back then, and he shook his head slowly. “No.” He had considered it, back when they were first planning this mad jump to the past. If he could just give Jack a warning then maybe it would fix things, but he had dismissed it, knowing that there were far too many cracks…too many pitfalls…and he hadn’t expected his past self to be so accepting of the situation, half expecting his warnings to fall on deaf ears. “Some things might change, but the cracks would still be there, our weaknesses.”

“What about you?” Jack looked unsurprised by his answer, however, his response confused the Soldier and he frowned, tilting his head. _Me?_ This had nothing to do with him…it was Jack who was going to make the mistakes, and Jack who was going to lose everything…he, was just going to fade from existence, from memory.

“Me?”

“Is there nothing in the future worth staying for?”

“There is,” Solider 76 admitted quietly, closing his eyes for a moment as he let his thoughts dwell on those who had answered the recall, those who had joined them despite what had happened in the past, the people who still looked to him as though he might have some of the answers. They were friends. They were family. The Watchpoint had become home again faster than he had ever thought possible, his tiny room on the far-side from the room he had once shared with Gabriel was full of photos, of little mementos bought back from missions, gifts from celebrations shared in the common room. There was a dull ache at the thought of losing it again, of leaving it behind, but then again if he succeeded then nine of that would exist and his friends would never know any better. They wouldn't have to mourn him or fill an empty grave...that thought hurt and it took him a moment to coax his voice to work, opening his eyes to find Jack watching him with a strange kind of envy. “More survived than I ever thought possible, but the losses..." There were nights when he would wake from nightmares, unable to escape those lists of names, the faces of those he had failed…Gabriel’s face. “If I can change that…”

“…Then it will be worth it.” It had always been his motto. As long as something would change for the better, then he would do whatever it took to achieve his goal. Gabriel had always called it recklessness and Ana had worried endlessly that he was giving away too much of himself, although it hadn’t stopped him, and he doubted that it would ever would. Jack sighed glancing around the office, gaze lingering for a moment on the photos on the desk and the Soldier didn’t need to look to know that they held pictures of him and Gabe, their wedding day, the day Overwatch had been unveiled…little moments surrounded by friends, and the ring on his finger felt heavier than ever as he watched Jack rub at his own ring. “Gabe was one of those losses, wasn’t he?” He hadn’t anticipated the question, jumping slightly when he realised blue eyes had darted to the ring on his finger and he found himself glancing away, unable to speak and Jack flinched, the silence answer enough. “I see…”

    Silence stretched out between them, both caught up in thoughts of Gabriel and what was about to happen, but then Jack sighed and straightened with a determined nod and the Soldier took a deep breath as the younger man stepped towards him. “Do it then.” _He wasn’t going to fight this?_ He searched Jack’s gaze, but there was nothing but resolve and a hint of relief and he sighed. He really hadn’t been prepared for this and he glanced at the gun, realising that his hand was trembling a little again, the enormity of what was about to happen hitting him hard and he took a deep breath, softening his expression as much as he could.

“For what it’s worth, I’ll make it quick,” he murmured, and he meant it. He had expected to hate his younger self, as much if not more than he hated himself, but instead he pitied the man he had been…the man who was apparently brave enough to take the step he hadn’t taken. There was a lump in his throat as he glanced down at his ring. “The mistakes are mine as much as yours and… I forgive you.” Did he have the right to offer that forgiveness? Probably not, but it felt right, because the Jack in front of him had only just started down the wrong path, he hadn’t made the same mistakes as he had, he didn’t have the same guilt weighing him down.

“Thank you.”

“Why are you thanking me?!” He demanded, recoiling at the words. He didn’t want to be thanked, he didn’t deserve to be thanked.

“Those words…” Jack smiles, a proper one that reaches his eyes and the Soldier envied him for a moment, unable to recall when had last been able to smile like that and shaken to see it aimed at him with what he was about to do. “They tell me I didn’t lose all of myself.”

   The Soldier could only stare at him, mouth open. He hadn’t lost all of himself? He had thought that Jack Morrison, the same Jack that stood in front of him had died that day in Zurich, he had cut away what little remnants had remained after the explosion become someone new.

“Morrison!” The silence was shattered as someone began to hammer on the door and they both tensed at the familiar voice, sharing the same pained glance, whispering in unison.

“Gabe…”

“You should hurry,” Jack murmured, wincing as the door rattled under the impact. “He’s not known for waiting.”

“No, he’s not.” It hurt to see the love in Jack’s face, the longing in the blue eyes as he glanced towards the door and he took a step forward, knowing that they were running out of time, that he couldn’t falter now and yet he couldn’t stop himself from adding softly. “I never stopped loving him.” _I never will_ … Jack smiled faintly at that before pausing and for the first-time fear entered his expression and there was a hint of desperation as he asked.

“Did he stop loving us?”

   There was no way he could admit the truth, no way he could put into words the way Reaper looked at him now, the anger and hatred that clogged every conversation between the two of them and he sighed and shook his head. “No, he still loves us.” Jack relaxed and smiled, closing his eyes, not flinching when the Soldier closed the distance between them, pressing the muzzle against his forehead. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, hearing the door shuddering behind them and the sharp beeps that indicated that Gabriel was putting in his own override code. The door bursting open just as the Soldier pulled the trigger, his vision filling with crimson and then they were both falling, he caught a glimpse of Jack’s face, the peaceful expression cutting him to the core and then the world fading to blue around the Soldier, the gun falling from fading fingers and Gabriel’s heartbroken cry ringing in his ears.

“Jack!”

_I’m sorry…_

_Forgive me…_

_Forgive him…_


End file.
